Dear Christmas

We meet again....
How I wish it wasn't so!!!

Seriously...
This season does nothing but make me fucking depressed.
I wish people would get it into their god damn heads that not everyone had a perfect childhood and therefore not everyone enjoys the wonders of christmas.
Christmas in my family is nothing but bad memories therefor I do not wish to celebrate it...for me there is NOTHING to celebrate.
I wish people would understand that and stop trying to make me all jolly about it and sing christmas songs to me... It makes me want to run away and cry, get that through your thick skull!!!

I wish it wasn't so...
I wish I had a good and normal family where I would feel a sense of ease and feel like I belong as soon as I walked into their house!
I wish I had a family I loved and could feel proud of.
I wish that each and every one of them weren't a bunch of drunks and junkies... but they are, so christmas is not a happy occasion to me.
This year I decided to say fuck them all and just not even go spend time with them.
I'm gonna be a complete Grinch, stay home and try to pretend it is any other day.

Maybe one day I'll meet a man, fall in love and build a healthy relationship with him and his family, maybe they would invite me over for christmas and I would see it could be something happy, something to celebrate... Maybe then I'll join you in your christmas songs.
But untill then, leave me the fuck alone, don't talk to me about something that breaks my heart!

><

In Other non christmas related news...
I'm at work and I'm bored to pieces, hence this blog.
There are actually calls I should be answering but I chose to pause myself and write this before I had a nervous breakdown.
It is friday tomorrow and the weekend is much needed...as always!

AFI are playing at KROQ and I wish I was one of the lucky people to attend, but alas... I live in Europe and will only see it on the Interwebzz.
It'll be good to see them again... I missed them and it made me realize that nothing else matters.
Many of the FAKE friendships they caused are over, one in particular which caused me many problems with stalkers... it is over so leave me be, you won't get anything from me anyway!!

That is all...

Ciao
ZA